Milk and alcohol

MS: Hey! Wake up! Wake up!

Me: Gggnnnnn. Wha...

MS: Come on sleepyhead, it's an exciting day!

Me: Gnn. What time is it?

MS: It's 3am!! Best time of the day, the world's all shiny and new. Come see, come see.

Me: It's WHAT time? Good God, what do you think you're doing? Go back to sleep.

MS: Can't! Too excited!!

Me: Oh great, I love it when you're in one of these moods. What now?

MS: Well, it's today isn't it? It's only here. After all this time, it's finally here.

Me: Erm?

MS: Oh you big sillyhead, it's today! It's only my appointment with that funny little doctor man who thinks he has all the answers about meeeee.

Me: You mean MY neurology appointment?

MS: Yes, that's right, my funny little doctor appointment. After 18 months, it's finally arrived. Oh I do love seeing him.

Me: Do you?

MS: Well, durrrr, yes. It's so funny the way he chats on to you about what's been happening and then makes you do all those tests that quite frankly make you look ridiculous....

Me: Err, thanks?

MS: ...yes, you know the ones: touch your nose with your finger but careful, don't jab yourself in the eye now. 

Or put one foot directly in front of another, try and walk in a straight line, whoops, don't fall into his desk, you clumsy muffin. 

Or when he jabs you with a sharp stick to see what you can feel – or not. 

Or, oooh, I like this one, cover your good eye and now read the chart. The chart. This chart, over here.

Me: Ah yes, those ones.

MS: Oh I do find them so very entertaining. It's like taking a desperately sub-standard show pony out for a stumble round the grounds.

Me: Right. Quite annoyed now.

MS: Ooooh, scared.

Me: Anyway, I think you'll find you've got it the wrong way round – it's me taking you out to be held up for inspection. I'm the one putting you under the spotlight to see what havoc you've been wreaking over the past year-and-a-half. To see if I've managed to carry on despite you, to see if I've managed to hold onto some semblance of sanity, self-respect or sense of humour and to see if the the meds I'm on are doing the trick of holding you at bay.

MS: Hmm, some interesting thoughts there.

Me: Well, er, yes.

MS: Veeeery interesting. They deserve some reflection don't they? Some time to dig deep, hold everything up to the light and really and truly and honestly explore how you feel about the possible answers... *pauses* Well, I'll be off now.

Me: Is that it? Is that all the input I'm getting, usually you're overflowing with irritating insights.

MS: Well, it's late isn't it. Or early. Oh look, it's 3.10 now – just enough time for you to sit awake and ponder on all those veeeeery interesting thoughts.

Me: Yes, I will.

MS: In the darkness. On your own...

Me: Erm, suppose so.

MS: Long time till morning you know. Lots of lovely time to think. Ah well, sweet dreams.

Me: Gnnnnnnnnnnnggggggghhhhhhh.

:: Milk and alcohol by Dr Feelgood